If there is one thing I'd learnt enduring trimesters, it'll be learning to rest, not quit. Life does get really tough when workload crashes you to the bones, and you have to figure out what to eat or cook for dinner, figure out how to save money, figure out how to allocate time to meet up with people, figure out how to spare time to sleep, figure out how to make sure you don't fall too far from everyone else and the list goes on. I know everyone's life is hard in a different way and I'm definitely not here ranting how mine is the worst or busiest. On my birthday a few weeks ago, I decided to take a full day off from uni work (regardless of the 9am tut I went) and went to the zoo actually! (since its 1 dollar on bday so why not). The days before that were just me cramming all my assignments and lecs and tests all day and night so that I could take a good total rest on my bday. And after that day, I actually felt so liberated and refreshed, and I'm actually excited to go back to work aka programming till late (like what?). I realised I'm actually enjoying what I'm doing and I was just too busy to even realise that. Sometimes, you just had to sit at the passenger seat of your life to get a bigger picture of everything around. With zero breaks during trimesters, on top of me taking 4 subjects this term, it's all really up to us to take care of ourselves physically and mentally man.


All thanks to social media for making things worse. It hits hard when you see all your other friends reuniting back home, and you be here looking at your one thousand and one things on the to do list, wishing that someone cares. And then telling your mind that it's okay and you shouldn't be comparing. People grow differently in different journeys of life, and comparing with others is definitely not an option in the list. In fact, what we see are what people choose to broadcast about their life, and 90% of the time it's not the pain and hurt they go through during their own journey, its all hidden beneath, like what we were taught to, showcase only the good, not the bad, which is so wrong now that I learnt. At some point in life, we're victims of this generation of technology, we all want to look good, we all want to have it all together, and truth be told it's never like that all the time. Instead of blaming social media and banning it, I value real expression of thoughts online more, with the experience of being personally impacted and inspired by people who share honestly, especially on faith and the awareness of mental health, and I'm learning to be intentional in what I post or share too.


Today is another rare day I get to wake up late, stroll at my fav market, spending time with friends and rest at home at night. As I'm typing all these thoughts, I'm just speaking them to myself back really.


Learning to rest, not quit,
Nicole

LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS #04 HAPPIER

Tonight is a night I don't feel like doing assignments and work even though it's due very very soon and still have so much to do.

It's just another day that I wanna take time to breathe.

And I cried while listening to Ed's new song - Best Part of Me.
It doesn't make sense. Why you love me.
He loves me. He loves me. Why the hell He loves me.

Just reminded again about His love, which still does not make sense sometimes.
I know this song is definitely not talking about God's love but still. Hits me hard.
Also, hate the fact that my tears are so hard to control really.
It's just a song. Sigh, have to deal with these post-crying dry and weary eyes again.

Another thing that hit me hard today, an article in my mailbox by Morgan.

" When you have endured suffering, now you know how to be with others in their pain. When you have been through what someone else has been through, your encouraging word is more than an encouraging word. It is a mirror that reminds that other person they are seen. So for all of the suffering you have endured, just know that even though it’s hard to make sense of, you can be there for the one who is struggling with the same thing. You can let them know that at least one other person is walking this path. Sometimes in life, we want answers, and sometimes, we just want to know we are not alone. We just want to know we are not the only ones who are experiencing this. And even without the answers or the step-by-step recovery plan, this can become a part of our healing journeys. This is how we can love people. Love is being willing to sit and just be with people right where they are. Love doesn’t try to “fix” them or make them “get over it.” Loving isn’t easy, but when you have suffered in your life, you know the difference love can make. You know the difference that a listening ear or welcoming arms can make on those nights where you can hardly sleep. And even if you didn’t receive love when you were suffering, you can probably look back and see how wonderful it would have been to have someone there to share in this suffering. To have someone by your side who understood, or at least was willing to empathize. When we have had to suffer, it changes us....but within that change, what if also changed the way we love? What if changed us to see that no one is alone in their suffering, and we have the power to love one another through it? " Back to work, Nicole