It all makes sense now.

Term break is ending in two days,  need more days of rest before the next trimester with 4 subjects howling at me tbh. That aside, did quite a lot of stuff this term break, went back home reunited with fam while complaining at the sultry weather, attended MYC (mid-year conf) for a week (best decision ever) and also launched a new series for the lost sheep (not to forget my sis and I did a pop up at a market too)! So many new experiences, so many things happened, so many thoughts and feelings going up and down hill in the same period of time.

One of the highlights would be learning so so much and seeing so many brothers and sisters digging deeper into the word of God in MYC,  listening to heartfelt encouraging conversations and Bible-faithful preachings. I was never taught well in reading the Word for myself, always applying bible verses randomly out of context and having no idea of what the big picture of the bible is albeit being a Christian about 6 years. Of course, I still do not have a complete and full understanding of the whole bible, but now I finally understand how the Holy Spirit (theme for MYC this year) works in us through God's word and not through nudgings, whispers or some still small voice we all expect him to speak. I had been struggling in dealing with my feelings and faith for the past term, or maybe since last year, transitioning from a charismatic church to a church which really focuses on bible understanding had been really tough for me. In the process, I lost joy and passion. I lost my old self who loves to serve and talk to people. I am just going through the motions.

Being a Christian doesn't mean life's gonna be perfect or I have it all together. Likewise, it's otherwise. The imperfect me needs the perfect Jesus, who is the only one that could propitiate my sins as he also suffered and tempted as a man like us yet without sin.

After MYC, many doubts were answered. Doubts like why do certain churches focuses so much on speaking in tongues? can I feel/do I need to feel the holy spirit?  how would I know if I have the holy spirit? what if I don't feel anything? how would I know if it's from God or not? the list goes on.

I don't know where to start. I wanna write down everything I've learnt from His word this week so that this can be a timely reminder in future too.

Here are some excerpts from the sermon:

“But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, he will bear witness about me.  And you also will bear witness, because you have been with me from the beginning." - John 15:26-27


Holy Spirit bears witness to Jesus through the word of the original disciples. He enables the apostles to teach and reminds them of all things about Jesus. He is the one who guided the apostles to speak the complete truth about Jesus and wrote it down for us. He then speaks to us now through the word.


“I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. 13 When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come. 14 He will glorify me, for he will take what is mine and declare it to you. 15 All that the Father has is mine; therefore I said that he will take what is mine and declare it to you." - John 16:12-16


Often times we are in constant pursuit of signs, miracles, nudges, voices from the Holy Spirit to give us an answer or a clear direction for our life's questions, but did God promise that He will speak through us through those ways? Should we expect the Holy Spirit to speak to us today then? How do I know if it's my flesh desires and my pride instead of the Holy Spirit?

We should only expect that He will speak to us through Spirit-given scriptures that Jesus has promised and not by spirit-given whispers. Yes, God is able to do anything, but the keyword here is 'expect'. Holy Spirit is not to add to the word or give you any extra revelation out of the word, instead, he recognises that the Bible is the complete and sufficient word of God. The authentic experience of the Holy Spirit is to obey his scriptures as the true and sufficient word that we need. Hence, we should listen to the Holy Spirit by reading God's word and not trying to hear the still small voice or some nudges which highly could be from our sinful flesh desires and end up using the holy spirit's guidance as an excuse for the unrevealed sinful desires deep in our hearts.

How do we make good and wise decisions then?
I use to rely a lot on my feelings, deciding stuff based on what I feel about what the Holy Spirit wants to tell me, tbh, now that I start to realise, most of the time those were actually just my selfish desires. It's important to realise that God guides us by making us wise and godly by listening to the spirit, as we read His word.

When I look back now, everything made sense. How His plans are just beyond my understanding, my sufferings and pain and disappointment, it all makes sense now. I'm utterly amazed. We do not belong to this world, as we're still in this flesh with the spirit before He comes back, life is not going to be easy, we will look dumb in the eyes of others, but who are we pleasing anyway? the world? ourselves?

 “If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you. 19 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." - John 15:18-19


I used to absorb everything the world tells me, and not actually reading the word for myself thoroughly. That's still so much that I have not written down here and questions I just raised but not answered yet, hopefully, I'll be able to write and redigest what I'd learnt bit by bit in this space.

Self-reminder: do not be carried away by the world, but stand firm in His word.


Really thankful for everything,
Nicole